you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
