You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
