Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
