your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We're too hungover to prance.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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