i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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