the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
