I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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