singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
