he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
