you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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