he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
