Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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