I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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