Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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