I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
