You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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