I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
