Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
