the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im six kinds of drunk right now
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
