I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Soap is not a condiment
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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