i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
