Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
