you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
