when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
