who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
