I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
