Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I didn't shave. On purpose
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
