Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
