Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
