tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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