just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
