I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
