Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
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