im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize