Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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