You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
