FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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