I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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