whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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