I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
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We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize