I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
