hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
