If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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