So gin and wine won't be happening again
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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