You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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