This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
