I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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