When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
