his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
