yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
