You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
