Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
