BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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