I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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