I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
