I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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