I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
