He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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