I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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