you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
