dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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