Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
