I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
