her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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