just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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