I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
