Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
