I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
