I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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