That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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