I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
