i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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