I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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