No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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