i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize