made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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