sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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